Thoughts

I haven’t decided yet whether Google calendar is my friend or my enemy ‘cause honestly, when I see those pop up reminders on my phone, no matter what it is, I cringe. I immediately hit the clear button, and that innocent little reminder just goes away. As if nothing has happened.

My tortured relationship with allocated times and routines are nothing new. But they become most apparent when I start losing focus of where I’m going with all of it. What is that end goal look like? Is there even such a thing as an end goal? Am I trying to be self employed? What is the ulterior purpose of this blog? Is it to be held accountable for hobby-esque projects? Do I want to turn my hobbies into full blown endeavors? Am I still super interested in design and art as when I first started college?

After the wedding, I start facing very grown up realizations. I am 26, yes. I am married. I am trying to find a place to somewhat settle (I don’t think I can ever settle). In a couple of years, I might even start having kids (eeeeek!). These realizations mean two very important thing: that my work and lifestyle have to be flexible and meaningful.

I don’t want to be a jack-of-all-trades. I have been mortified of this since my photography professor told me that it was a good thing. And I don’t think it is. But why?

I’d hate the idea of being average at everything.  It’s like when I decided that there was no possible way that I would be as amazingly awesome at first person shooter as Jon was. Or that I somehow couldn’t work through my ‘video games to play’ list fast enough and face it, I never will. And that’s okay.

Or that I don’t know all the technical know-how of high end cameras and how to be exceptionally good at photography. It’s not going to happen. And it’s not because I don’t care. It’s because it’s not ultimately what I love doing every moment of the day.

There are other things that I have been shedding along the way (origami, 3D modeling, animation, etc.) and each time, I have felt good about my choice. As if a weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

Cause honestly, these are the things that I absolutely love.

  • Writing
  • Drawing
  • Setting up and organizing systems
  • Learning about education, and the intrinsic motivations behind learning

And every time I give up those “deviations” of mine, it allows me to work more and what truly matters to me. And as one of my absolute favorite authors Paulo Coehlo tweeted once, “Get as much as you can from any journey because the journey is all you have.”

 

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