April 13, 2022
This is the small mantra-like phrase that has been racing through my head for the past month. I had to choose only a few things to focus on and crossed my fingers and pray they all fell in place. I had a knack of getting myself in these situations for the past several years. I have undergone major changes in my life, good changes mostly and each time, it has helped me grow as a person.
Sometimes I find myself wringing my hands in sheer anxiousness. Even though writing doesn’t have a looming deadline in the near future, I’m trying my best possible to keep my personal commitments. Write once a week something meaningful to me, something that I learned, something that I would love to share and appreciate. And it keeps me from going completely ballistic.
I will admit that I am absolutely terrified. ABSOLUTELY, positively so. This will be my first year year. Like I mentioned before, I am waaay out of my comfort zone. I learned long ago, that this is okay and it means that you’re alive, growing and breathing. I feel like I’m running into something dark, scary and unknown and all the while I’m running on limbo, not on stable ground. Neither at a starting point nor at my destination, just limbo.
I am in the works of writing my farewell letter. It’s been harder than usual to write it ’cause I can’t justify a 2 sentence resignation notice for the people that in such a short time, I have grown to care about. What will their reactions be? What I’m I to expect? Is the decision I’m taking, the direction I’m going, the right one? There is never a clear cut answer.
Saturday night, I wrapped myself in my best friend’s Pocahontas blanket and snuggled comfortably on her old purple coach. It had been a wedding marathon that day and thought, “I couldn’t possibly do this alone.” I am so grateful for my best friends and the support they give, SO grateful for my fiance who puts up with my occasional fits. I’m grateful for his mom too and for my mom and for my brother, Chris. It’s nice to be reminded that there are others who care about me. It’s nice to be reminded that I’m not alone.
So as I make way through this phase of my life, I wanted to say thank you. Living in a state of limbo is aggravating to say the least, not having a defined “home-like” space is another issue entirely and repeating my little mantra only goes so far. I really needed it and I hope one day I can return the favor. Thank you guys for all you do.